Thoughts Before Surgery

            The night before surgery is one of the toughest times to deal with in the whole injury rehab process.  There are so many thoughts that run through an athlete’s head.  Personally, I can’t help but think of all the possible scenarios that could play out both good and bad, but mostly bad.  This is the time where it is hardest to stay positive.  Anxiety is running high as the hours tick away and the fact that I am going to be getting surgery is really starting to hit me and become a reality.  The fear of surgery is one of the biggest reasons why athletes struggle with their injuries.  It is hard to see the positive outcomes that could come from surgery when we know that we are going to have to go through a great deal of pain and a grueling road of recovery in order to see the ultimate end goal surface. 

            Surgery is bittersweet.  Athletes know that surgery is usually one of their only options in order to recover from their injury and get back to being healthy.  At the same time, it is a really tough process to get through in order to get back to playing their sport.  All the build up to my surgery has been exhausting.  Knowing that I was going to have surgery 3 weeks before my actually surgery date was a plus and a negative.  On the bright side I was able to mentally prepare myself and accept the fact that I was going to be having surgery and that surgery would be my ticket back to soccer.  However, it was tough over those 3 weeks to sit on the sideline watching my team practice and play knowing that everyday I waited until my surgery date was another day that I lost playing with my team.  Each day that passed was another day that my recovery was deferred.  To some extent this waiting just made me wish I could’ve had it right away and gotten it over with.  I also would have been able to avoid the sleepless nights that accompanied the build up to surgery.  
            Watching my teammates play today, once again, reminded me why I am going through the surgery and why I so desperately want to get better.  I want to do it for them.  Even when I have those days where I doubt whether surgery will really help me heal or if I will ever be able to play soccer again, I tell myself to go for it.  I couldn’t live with the fact that I refused to try every possible option and gave up the fight.  I will not let my body determine when I walk away from the game I love.  I know I can get through this surgery and this rehab process because my teammates are my motivation.  Seeing them suit up for practice each day will inspire me to push a little harder in rehab in order to get back to playing by their side.  Seeing my teammates struggle with the frustrations that come with a Division I sport makes me eager to get back out on the field with them and help them get through it.  As I get ready for bed tonight with all the nervous thoughts turning around in my head, I can rest assured that I am making the right decision because I couldn’t imagine my life without soccer and without my team.